I have attended counseling twice now, so I am definitely a novice. My third visit is approaching this week. I suppose when communication is difficult and the saying ‘ we are going round in circles’ comes to light, counseling is the next and probably the only step.
We both decided we needed to do something to try and place some order or logistics on the situation. Our times of communication together at home were not having the desired affect. What this means I suppose is we sit and talk, discussing ‘politely’ what is going on in our lives. The majority of the time it is relaxed, mature and calm.
We attend the sessions during the day mainly at lunchtimes. After school or weekends would be difficult getting a childminder in. We sit in a room upstairs in a old Georgian building. The counselor advises us that all information shared remains confidential. He reiterates what was discussed the previous week and asks that we take it in turns to discuss certain topics. I find it easy to talk as nothing I am saying hasn’t been said before. I am just saying it to a professional now. When I sit there in the hard office chair I have thought to myself; how has this happened? I cannot believe the changes in our relationship since I became a Mum, and to be honest I feel let down.
The difficulty with these sessions are that the likelihood of hearing things that you don’t want to hear is inevitable, there is no hiding under the table. What remains certain like death and taxes, is that each of us cannot change the other. That is a fact but we can negotiate and build an understanding of each other. We leave each session and go back to work, this is tough as it is hard to switch over to work mode. I suppose I consider what was discussed when I go home that evening. As our weekly sessions approach we tend to continue with work and life until the next appointment.
The ‘funniest’ aspect of counseling for me is the feeling that the person I married I don’t really know and I am discovering facts now that never surfaced. When you first meet someone your feeling is that you know everything about them, now its like being in a room with a stranger and saying ‘you have never said that to me until now’.
Gosh maybe counseling should be mandatory before a ring goes on the finger!
I will keep you posted.